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SUCCESS IN ALL ITS GUISES Recently, I had an acquaintance come over to tell me about how her dog did at a local field event. She was very excited and pleased, but when she finished, she said, “This probably doesn’t seem very impressive to you with what your dogs have accomplished.” Actually, I was just as excited and happy for her as she was for herself. I was dismayed that she would think I or anyone else could not enjoy her pleasure. I told her about how I remember crying with joy when Sprite got her WC/WCX. I cried when Luke finished his first Qualifying Stake. I have been overjoyed at reaching various goals that I had set for myself with regard to my dogs. They may not have been anyone else’s goals, but they were mine. I feel I can empathize with others having dreams and fulfilling them. It is sad when persons can’t acknowledge how many types of success there can be. Connie Cleveland wrote an excellent article for the January/February 2005 Golden Retriever News called “Don’t You Dare Steal My Joy”. In a book I read regarding Zen philosophy, there was a segment on not trying to shorten or cut down someone else’s rope, but extend your own. You cannot make yourself better by putting down another. If someone tries to do that to you, rise above it, as difficult at times as that can be. Currently, I am reading “Wooden on Leadership”, and I would like to quote some of his comments. These are relative to all segments of life, from basketball to dog training to dealing with the every day events we encounter. Wooden gave credit to his father for laying the foundation for the core of his philosophy of leadership. His father told Wooden and his brothers, “Sons, don’t worry about whether you’re better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can become. You have control over that; the other you don’t.” Another quote was “Johnny, work hard to get as good as you can get. Do that and you may call yourself a success. Do less and you’ve fallen short.” Wooden felt “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.” He felt you should focus on running the race rather than winning it. His philosophy is that there is “a standard higher than merely winning the race: Effort is the ultimate measure of your success.” Another rule Wooden stressed was “Never allow anyone else to define your success. Others will attempt to force their definition upon you. Don’t allow them to do it.” When I first started field work, I day trained once a week with a pro. This was my only way to get some birds and to have some marks thrown for me. Most times I was the only client there, throwing for all the other dogs. Occasionally, some of his other clients showed up. I wanted a WC on my obedience dog, Sprite. They wanted blues and were all running in the major stakes. Then I started bringing Luke, my Sprite pup, with hopes of getting a JH on him. The pro told me the only thing that really counted was qualifying for the Nationals (Open and/or Amateur) each year. My ultimate, and seemingly out of reach, goal for Luke was those elusive three stars meaning he was Qualified All Age. The pro had a blackboard on which he would post the placements various clients had received at the trials. As Luke and I advanced, Luke got his first JAM in a major stake, the Amateur. The pro listed Luke’s name on the board. I was thrilled. Then one of the clients got up, walked over and erased Luke’s name stating that nobody cares about “only a JAM”! Talk about stealing one’s joy, this was felony grand theft! This was one of the persons who walked out of the field and refused to throw marks for any “low-quality Goldens”. Driving home, I cried, but not tears of happiness. Then I got angry at myself for letting others define my success. I thought about all the fun my dogs and I had had training and running hunt tests and trials. I thought about the good persons I had met who had been so supportive. I thought about what a wonderful journey Sprite, Luke and I had had so far. More incidences such as the above occurred. The coup de grace was when they knew Sprite was dying, my heart was breaking, and they did something beyond the pale. I became “vaccinated” against them. Nothing that group said could “get to me” after that. Once they realized they could no longer hurt me further, they stopped trying. My biggest regret was that I hadn’t reached this conclusion much earlier and was such a sap as to let them affect me in the first place. I had never met persons of this ilk before. Naively, I had not realized that persons existed who gained pleasure from denying it to others. Obviously, I have never forgotten my welcome to the field trial game by a few persons who had no socially redeeming qualities. I vowed I would try to keep others from encountering the same reception I did. Luckily I am fairly (let’s be honest, very) stubborn, and I was unwilling to give up all the things I enjoyed about field work and training to appease their unkindly aspirations for me. As Connie put it so well in her article, “Undoubtedly there will be moments of disappointment as you venture through the landmines of injuries, failures, and other setbacks. Remember that the joy of the journey is worth the difficulties along the way. Don’t let anyone steal that joy. Guard it well, and at the end of the road you can own it and revel in it, with all the other memories of the trip.” Sprite became OTCH Meadowpond Especial One UDT SH WCX OBHF OD and Luke was AFC Glenhaven Devil’s Advocate UDT MH WCX FDHF OS with 44.5 All Age points. If I had let that group continue to define our success, very few of those titles would have occurred. Of course, neither Sprite nor Luke knew anything about the titles, they just knew they were greatly loved and leading a joy filled life. They allowed me to accompany them on this fabulous journey. Don’t let anyone impose their goals, dreams and aspirations on you. Make your own travel plans and ignore those who would attempt to “steal your joy”. |
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