IN CONTROL...NOT....

I am not in control. I want to be in control.  I try to be in control.  But I am not in control.  I would like to say I was in control of something in my life but I just don't know what it would be.  I might think I am in control of some of the minor things like when I fix dinner or when I take a shower etc. but I am really not as something can always happen to keep you from doing them when you want or maybe cause you not to do them at all.  Every time I think I am in control something happens to prove to me that I am not.  What is a person to do?

If I was in control there would be no hungry or homeless people in our country, every animal would have a home and peace would pass all understanding.  People would have choices about their own lives and war would be taken out of the dictionary.  So clearly you all want me in control right? :-)  Well I do not think that is going to happen.

Over the past year so many things have happened in my life that were totally out of my control that I just sort of gave up trying to be in control and lately I have decided that I am not going to allow myself to even think things are under control because the minute one thing is take care of and you are feeling the least bit ready to relax something else happens.  The never ending circle of fun! 

I don't even know if control is possible - perhaps we should also eliminate that word from the dictionary.  Controls on a machine break so there even times when controls are not in control so how are the rest of us even suppose to imagine the possibility.

Perhaps the only thing we might be in control of is ourselves. I say that with some concern because even that might be pushing it.  I guess I have control of how I react to certain situations or people.   Yep, I think that is even pushing it.  I decided a long time ago there were people I did not want to be around because I did not like myself when I was around them because I reacted against my nature to the stupid stuff they would say.  

So "being in control" is just impossible.  Not gonna happen, no way to do it, even the most anal could not attest to being in control of any given situation.  So now that I have decided that I guess it is time to move on to something more attainable like domination of the world.  

Until the next time I remain your "So totally not in control" editor - Julie Caruthers

Your comments are welcome - julieeditor@everythinggolden.com